Review: Mystery Team

There are many things that I just can't wrap my (slightly misshaped) head around:

1. Twilight

2. The explanation for Joba Chamberlain's celebrity status (hint: it can't be pitching skill)

3. Why a truly bad-ass character can't be created without the initials J.B. (James Bond, Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer)

4. Why it's perfectly fine for a 1 year old to poop their pants but when I do it my girlfriend suddenly calls it a "deal-breaker"

5. Why girls feel the need to take and post pictures of just their feet on Facebook.

Unless this is a massive collection of leg lamps a la A Christmas Story, I'm not interested

6. Why Mel Gibson is (understandably) a Hollywood pariah but Charlie Sheen can attempt to use his wife like a pin cushion with a butcher knife on Baby Jesus' birthday and Hollywood/"Two and a Half Men" viewers give a collective "meh".

7. How Vampires Suck can see a wide release but a comedy like Mystery Team (trailer here) barely makes a blip on the radar as it's shuffled straight to DVD.

For the sake of time I will only address #7 and save the other issues for my therapist. And by therapist I mean my Justin Timberlake life size cut-out.

The doctor is innnnnnn (fans face with both hands)

Before anyone starts panicking, I'm putting down the glass of scotch and taking out the monacle. This is not me acting as a movie elitist and stating how much more intellectual Mystery Team is compared to other low-brow mindless comedies such as Paul Blart or Grown-Ups. This movie is about as low brow as you can get. Fishing an engagement ring out of feces filled toilet? Check. Drinking dog urine? Oh you know it. The plot centers around three high school seniors who still hang onto their childhood innocence and personalities through their mystery solving team. The shenanigans begin when an 8 year old requests that the team find out who killed her parents which leads them to strip clubs, drug dealers, and grocery clerk snitches.

Yes these are the same jokes as other gross-out comedies that roll through theaters while receiving average box office receipts and critical reviews. The difference is that this film executes the jokes and gags just as well or better its competitors. Hence my confusion as to why it wouldn't receive the chance at a theatrical release. The film does lack any real star power. The film was made by the three guys behind the DerrickComedy website. The closest thing the movie has to a recognizable face is Donald Glover ("Community"). Also making short cameos, albeit funny ones, are Dot Com from "30 Rock" and Matt Walsh otherwise known as "that guy" who pops up in almost every comedy (Old School, The Hangover, Role Models).

You are the utility infielder of comedy, sir.

Maybe the studio gets jumpy greenlighting a comedy for theatrical release if there is neither A) a bankable star B) like Epic Movie or Vampires Suck the film sports jokes parodying well known movies that the studio thinks the audience will blindly love and clap their flippers in approval. In my opinion, American audiences need to be given more credit for appreciating a movie if the concept is solid. Inception is one of the top grossing movies of the summer despite an original and somewhat complex plot. More people flocked to Inception instead of the movie studio's layups of The A-Team or Sex and the City 2.

I suppose the argument could be made that Inception sported a fairly well known cast as well as the biggest director in Hollywood at the moment. But The Hangover had a cast of relative unknowns at the time of its release and cleaned up at the box office more than my Mom vacuuming in front of the TV every time I wanted to play Nintendo. Mystery Team has more than enough laughs and plot to fully sustain an audience in a darkened theater from beginning to end. I'm sure there are financial reasons behind why it was given the direct-to-DVD treatment but it doesn't seem fair that in an industry where so many comedies fall short, this one wasn't even given a chance.

It's not monumental filmmaking but it's a solid comedy that's worth a Netflix rental. Out of a maximum of 5 I would buy the film 3 beers but if things were going well I would hang around and split the bill for a fourth round.

I feel much better now but all the anger still isn't out of my system. In fact, I believe the next compilation list will be "Best Movies Released Directly To DVD". If the timeliness of my articles stays at the status quo, look for it around the time of your kid's high school graduation.