Songs From Childhood Innocence Hollywood Has Used To Scar Me

Directors want movies to make a lasting impression on audiences and using music is an easy way to do this. There's no better way to leave a searing cattle brand of the film on the audiences' psyches than to take a song well known to the public masses and present it in a completely new context. It really drives the point home when a song generally learned in our innocent youth is used during a particularly violent or disturbing scene. Horror franchises have been doing this for years dating back to when I learned how to count to ten thanks to the creepy girl from Nightmare on Elm Street singing about Freddy. Incidentally there is an indirect correlation between the age of the creepy horror movie child singing and the amount of piss that can be magically found on my bedsheets the following morning.

A song doesn't have to be in a horror movie to make an impression though. "Stuck in the Middle With You" may have been a song your parents played in the car on a Sunday morning driving to church/mosque/synagogue/Dennys. However, after watching Reservoir Dogs in which that song is used as the background music for Mr. Blonde's ecstatic torture session it's hard to think happy thoughts. Unless your happy thoughts consist of the brain revisiting Mr. Tarantino's shot of an ear being cut off before a gasoline shower. Given that scene's popularity and dissection by every uppity Tarantino fantatic, it will be left off this list.

The following list is comprised of 7 songs that used to happily transport me back to my childhood. After watching the 7 films that used them however, I find that my magical transportation is actually a windowless van being driven by a 37 year-old sadistic lunatic....with a mustache. Maybe a childhood abduction analogy wasn't the best way to end this introduction. But speaking of sex offenders....

7. The Song: "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands"

The Movie: Con Air

Why I'm Scarred: Growing up under a devoutly Catholic mother, I was forced to attend Bible camps against my will. At six years old I think I protested going because I did not agree with some of the more conservative political beliefs the Church supported. Fine. I was a coward that didn't relish the prospect of being picked on or ridiculed. I did attend though (after threat of force and some bribery) and I viewed it as an early life accomplishment in which I conquered a fear, made some friends and avoided having my underpants shoved into my rectum. "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands" was one of the songs we sang the most. Spoiler alert: The "He" in that song is God. Hearing that song should take me back to that camp and, at worst, disturb me that I can probably still perform the motions to accompany it.

Now whenever I hear that song I think of this man:




Thanks to Con Air and Mr. Michael Bay, I am forced to recall Mr. Buscemi's role as a convicted and repeated sex offender. One of Buscemi's potential victims sings this song and Buscemi later sings it as the plane lands on the Las Vegas strip. Picturing Steve Buscemi having sex with anyone is bad enough but with young children is borderline torture. Put this on top of the fact that most of the time I hear that song it's sang in church by a children's choir. So now I'm thinking about Steve Buscemi committing sex crimes while in God's house. One first class ticket to hell please. At least the song doesn't remind me of Nick Cage's hair. That's definitely more offensive to God.



It's time to move on to number 6 on the list but I've written myself into a corner. There can't possibly be another movie involving Nicholas Cage, the Catholic Church and creepy sex offenders.....right? (lowers head onto desk)



That was of course Nicholas Cage in Face/Off as a terrorist under disguise as a priest. Amazing that in a room full of conservative religious officials, no one notices the head-banging priest squeezing the 15 year old's ass like he's Lebron palming a dunk. Sticking with Face/Off, we move on to number 6 on the list.

6. The Song: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

The Movie: Face/Off

Why I'm Scarred: In the interest of fairness, Face/Off is a movie that I own. How often do we get to see the campy styles of John Travolta and Nicholas Cage fused with the over-the-top directing of John Woo? Mix in terrible dialogue ("It's like looking in a mirror....only....not") and it's the perfect storm of B action movies. At least Travolta looks throughout the movie like he knows this is ridiculous.

The Wizard of Oz is one of those movies that I'll always remember watching with my family. We taped it off TV which meant that every time I wanted to watch I had to fast forward through CBS commercials from the 80s. It also meant that all the controversial scenes were edited out like the Tin Man's profanity laced tirade against immigrants. He truly had no heart.

Like a lot of other kids I was enthralled with the scenery and terrified of the monkeys. It's still a movie for which I will stop channel surfing and it takes a special movie to hold that power. Granted, the first thing I think of when I hear "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is Judy Garland and The Wizard of Oz but a small part of me is reminded of Face/Off. In what I'm guessing was supposed to be some kind of emotional ploy, John Woo plays "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" during an epic shoot-out in Cage's apartment. The result is literally laughable and Woo would have been better off to just go to the default trick of releasing doves into the room.



It makes perfect sense that an FBI agent would shoot at the 6 year old standing in the middle of the room wearing onesie jammies. That was the biggest threat in the room huh? I hate that even a small part of my brain is reminded of this 1997 celluloid dump. Fingers crossed for Uwe Boll using "The Hills Are Alive" in his next Razzie winner. Or maybe "Singin' in the Rain". Crap, I just unintentionally made another segway.

5. Song: "Singin in the Rain"

Movie: A Clockwork Orange

Why I'm Scarred: My sister was a big fan of old Hollywood musicals. Being 6 years her junior it was often her decision on what to watch and, given the innocent nature of those movies, my parents liked it that way. One of my favorites was Singin in the Rain. I still find it a very funny movie which is even more impressive considering it's a musical. Imagine trying to make Old School work if Ferrell had to stop every 15 minutes and sing a Frank the Tank musical number.

All those happy memories of the "Singin in the Rain" title song vanished as soon as I watched A Clockwork Orange, Stanley Kubrick's delightful romp into mind control, violence and rape. Yippee! At the beginning of the movie the main character, Alex DeLarge, loves the work of Beethoven's 9th Symphony but later, due to negative visual conditioning, experiences intense psychological pain when he hears it. Ironic that before viewing A Clockwork Orange the song "Singin in the Rain" made me think of this:



And after finishing the movie, I can only think of this nightmare fuel:



There's not much reason to elaborate as to why this movie is emotionally scarring. For those who haven't seen it, this song is belted out by the main character after he and his mates force entry to a house, beat its owner to the point of permanent impairment and then brutally rape his wife. Gather the kids around for movie night and pop this one in. Clockwork is a well done film and is deservedly praised as a work of genius. But on behalf of screaming and sleepless children everywhere Mr. Kubrick, thank you for using a song so near and dear to my heart.

The only way Kubrick could have made something more disturbing would be combining a Disney song with the Vietnam War. Oh....wait.

4. The Song: "Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song"

The Movie: Full Metal Jacket

Why I'm Scarred: Viewing Full Metal Jacket is like watching two different movies essentially split into two 45 minute segments. The first 45 minutes is spent in boot camp with the Mozart of profanity Sgt. Hartman and the second half takes us to Vietnam combat. It was a great moment of self-discovery when I realized that whether in boot camp or actual combat, I would not have done well in Vietnam. That is unless the military gives out medals for loudest, shrillest shrieks or most piss accumulated in one's pants. I don't know that I would have flown off the deep end like Private Pyle by shooting a superior and then shoving a rifle into my mouth like it was a Five Dollar Foot Long but there would definitely be nights with some whimpering while curled up in the fetal position.

The film ends with Joker marching and singing the Mickey Mouse song with the rest of the men illuminated by the burning Vietnamese town. What was once a song that reminded me of spending afternoons at my cousin's house rejoicing in the fact that they had a satellite dish and the Disney channel now reminds me of Joker euthanizing a Vietcong woman sniper. And not the "me so horny" prostitute either although that would have been an interesting twist. I've also been scared straight off Vietnamese hookers as a result of watching so at least some good came of it.



Little known fact: Mary Jane Rotten-crotch was the pet name for my ex-girlfriend. Still trying to figure out why she left me. Moving on.

3. The Song: "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran

The Movie: Layer Cake

Why I'm Scarred: In case you've forgotten from number 5 on the list, my sister is 6 years older than me which means that my musical taste from an early age was influenced by her. That would probably also explain why I get stares at stop lights when I sing along to No Doubt's "I'm Just a Girl". In the early nineties it was all about the cassette tape as a status symbol. I still remember thinking that just having Green Day's Dookie shoved in my back jeans pocket would pole vault my popularity. Sadly it did not and that's probably why I'm spending my time writing a blog. Regardless, I still remember the day that my sister brought home the Duran Duran album Ordinary World and proceeded to play it nonstop for the next two weeks. Since our rooms were so close in proximity I now had a soundtrack for sorting baseball cards and action figure battles. Spider-man fighting a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle just didn't have the same effect when "Come Undone" was playing in the background. As a result, every time I would hear a song from that album I would think of my sister.

That's still true today with the exception of the album's title track "Ordinary World" which was used in the British crime drama Layer Cake. The song is playing in the background as Daniel Craig's associate, Morty, meets with the man that was responsible for his tenure in jail. Understandably not happy about the stint in jail, Morty beats the living hell out of the guy. Director Matthew Vaughn (of the Kick-Ass fame) gives us the privilege of getting a first person perspective on what it would like to be brutally assaulted by a pissed off gangster. This experience is complete with the song fading intermittently in and out of his barely conscious eardrums as the beating continues. The scene is completed by Morty pouring scalding hot tea all over his former associate's face. As a result, the song "Ordinary World" serves as a constant reminder not to snitch on burly drug dealers and to certainly never accept a breakfast invitation from them.



2. The Song: "Big Rock Candy Mountain"

The Movie: Runaway Jury

Why I'm Scarred: For those not familiar with this song, here's a Youtube version complete with animation. And no, I did not just slip you LSD.



I'm not sure why but that song always reminded me of being at my grandparents' house for the holidays. No, our family did not eat massive amounts of hash as a Christmas tradition. I think it was just one of those songs that played in the background for some reason. It's a moot point now though since Runaway Jury used it in the first five minutes. Dylan McDermott plays a loving father evidenced by the fact that he has just arrived at work and is pleading with several female members of his staff to help him remember the words to "Big Rock Candy Mountain" before he sees his son that night. He remembers the lyrics just in time for a disgruntled employee to start playing his own version of "Big Buck Hunter". Only replace "Big Buck" with "Slow Co-Worker in Enclosed Space". McDermott's fatherly character is shot and that is the basis for the gun control trial.

There is one glaring plot hole though. Why would anyone ever want to shoot Dylan McDermott? Oh....right.



In case you're wondering, yes, that is Usher in a cowboy hat. Moving on to the last spot on the list.

1. The Song: "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Moutain"

The Movie: Grosse Point Blank

Why I'm Scarred (in a good way): I love this movie and thought John Cusack and Dan Akroyd were great in their roles as rival assassins. The expletive filled version of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" that Akroyd's character sings to Cusack in the final shoot out produces solid laughs in a tense situation. It was funny and, considering that I learned that song in preschool, it probably replaced the memory of some kid shoving my face into paste. Win-win.

I have nothing else to add and since the internet seems to have something against showing me pictures or video of Dan Akroyd in that role, I will leave you with a picture of my fellow writer, Nick Connors, finding an Intellivision gaming system in a New Jersey pawn shop. Pure joy.

Review: Bruno

Some artists are blessed with a work of genius that appeals to critics as well as the masses. The closest I got to this feeling was in a first grade coloring contest when my entry won first prize in our local paper. I was the happiest 12 year-old in town but I never got a chance to top my original work since I was banned from the contest the following year. Apparently the uptight (probably communist) contest officials did not appreciate the full page ad I took out in the paper celebrating my victory which classily stated: “Suck it amateurs! Santa Claus isn’t real and you were adopted.” The one good thing that came of my ban from the contest was that I was able to avoid the pressure of creating (or coloring in my case) something that matched or was greater than my original work. This is the downside to a follow-up project of a masterpiece. The next project almost never lives up to the hype and is in turn judged more harshly since the expectations of critics and fans are higher.

Borat, the brainchild of comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, was a comedy blockbuster that both critics and fans loved (and felt the need to quote endlessly; “Hiiiigh fiiiive” *punches self in groin*). For fans of the HBO series Da Ali G Show it was an inevitability that Universal would green-light a follow-up project to Borat. Since the character of Ali G was too well known to do the kind of undercover comedy that made Borat work, that left the third character in Cohen’s arsenal. Bruno is an openly gay Austrian fashion guru that was seemingly used in the show as a time filler behind the characters of Ali G and Borat. He was my least favorite part of the show so I wondered how well a full length movie would work.

Bruno made me laugh in certain parts just as hard as I did while watching Borat for the first time. This kind of guerilla style comedy in which Cohen preys on naïve and unsuspecting victims is only sustainable for so long though. The more successful and famous he becomes, the more people recognize him. If his interviewees or victims aren’t giving their honest opinions, the comedy becomes staged and essentially like every other comedy. It’s sad that Cohen can never perform the character of Borat again without being recognized but it does safeguard that the character can never be run into the ground with countless sequels. Instead, Cohen will either start starring in traditional comedies (as he brilliantly did in Talladega Nights) or he will be forced to come up with new disguises and characters.

Bruno was really only well known to the people who watched Da Ali G show so Cohen was still able to go to some mainstream places without being recognized. It becomes clear as the film progresses though that the film crew was not provided the same luxury of anonymity as in their previous film. This leads to them shooting in more remote areas which is actually a good fit because it kills two homophobic birds with one very effeminately dressed stone. The same people who are unaware of Cohen and his Bruno character are generally the same people who would provide more extreme reactions to his open homosexuality. That last sentence was a fancy way of saying that they filmed a lot of scenes with rednecks from the South. This is coming from a country redneck from Indiana and I know how my dad and his friends would react if the foreigner they invited on their camping trip tried to climb into their tents naked holding a package of condoms. Cohen was still able to shoot in surprisingly mainstream locations however. It baffles me how the entire cast and crew of the NBC show Medium can hire him as an extra without knowing his real identity. My secret hope is that it was a janitor walking by who tipped the director to Cohen’s identity and made him feel like a fool.

Two things stuck out to me after I finished the movie. The first is that Cohen is an underrated actor throughout all of this. This type of filmmaking does not allow for multiple takes since part of the comedy comes from the reactions of those around Cohen. This makes it crucial for Cohen to do things exactly the way he wants them in one take. If he laughs at all, the sketch is essentially ruined. Some of these scenarios are extreme too and that brings me to second point. Cohen has huge stones (and not because this movie showed them to me) for doing comedy the way that he wants. Not many comedians would go into the Middle East and insult Bin Laden to the face of a known terrorist while staying in gay character.

Borat was funny but also interesting in that it gave an insight into some people’s true thoughts or prejudices since they thought they were talking to a simple, naïve foreigner. Bruno is comedy on a baser level which is most of the time making people feel uncomfortable with homosexuality or ridiculous behavior. Borat had this too (the naked fight scene is unapologetically my favorite in the film) but it felt smarter than Bruno at times. Am I condemning Bruno for this? Absolutely not. Part of me is standing up, applauding and begging for more. I’m pretty sure this is the same part of my personality that thinks a monkey's ability and desire to fling poo is one of nature's miracles.

I’m interested to see what Cohen does next in his career. I really wish he could give a big screen treatment to the Ali G character the same way that he did for Borat and Bruno but the character is too well known to get the type of interviews that make him funny. Cohen could either go back to the lab (I learned that phrase from Eminem) to create more characters no one has seen before or he could start doing more traditional, scripted comedy. Either way, I will continue to be a fan who is appreciative of the two solid movies he gave us.

Out of a total of five, I would buy this movie three apple-tinis.

Review: Toys (A review 18 years in the making)

I was eight years old when Toys came out in theaters. I never saw it but the TV spots alone were enough to simultaneously provide me with a sense of wonder and enough night terrors to last for six weeks. After watching the entire movie 17 years later, I’m happy to report that I only involuntarily pissed my pants a little bit by the time the end credits rolled. Robin Williams was the perfect choice as the lead since he has a lot in common with the film. They’re both loud, flashy and try really hard but I’m not really entertained. With the exception of a few choice roles (Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire) this has been a consistent criticism of mine about Williams as an actor. He’s just not that funny. As an actor, he’s not necessarily entitled to be funny as long as he doesn’t choose comedy scripts. But when a stand-up comedian stars in a comedy and it’s not funny, it’s like buying a car and finding the engine is made of Legos. I will save my full opinion on the highs and lows of Mr. Williams’ acting career for a longer post. For now, my opinion on Toys.
Director Barry Levinson does the best he can with the script. The movie is very visually captivating and that will distract you from the plot for the first 45 minutes or so. The main story centers on a toy manufacturer tycoon who passes away and leaves the whimsical, kid-friendly toy company to his militaristic brother the General (Michael Gambon) instead of to his immature, childish son Leslie (Williams). Much to Leslie’s dismay, his uncle and cousin turns the company’s focus on war toys and even war profiteering. It’s an interesting cast and I’m as surprised as you are when I say that LL Cool J is the scene stealer of the film. Take a moment to process this…..and your hat is not like a shark fin. Turn it around, you look ridiculous. No matter how good the cast is though, they cannot overcome a generally weak script and a meandering plot. Overall, this is a movie I would recommend if you need something on in the background as you fold laundry or recover from a hangover. Also given the intense visual effects, watching this high would be a bad idea. For a further listing of illegal drugs you should/should not take while watching Toys, please visit our sister website: www.wasted-attempt-at-humor.com. Get it? Wasted? Meaning when someone has taken too many drugs and wasted because I missed an opportunity to write a better joke? No? Fine. Go ahead and click your favorites link to Perez Hilton. We’re done here.

I'd buy it two beers. But I'd never let it babysit my kids.

Review: Away We Go

“Are you watching porn?!” If you are planning on watching Away We Go anytime soon, expect to hear this statement exclaimed by anyone who happens to walk in during the first three minutes of the film. In this case my roommate’s girlfriend followed by my roommate and another friend. I felt obligated to not only tell her it was not porn but also perhaps overcompensate by stating that it was a well respected movie by the director of “American Beauty” and “Revolutionary Road.” Despite being helmed by a renowned director and boasting John Krasinski (the loveable Jim from NBC’s The Office) as the male lead, everyone still looked at me with the same skepticism as if I told them I read Playboy for the editorial content. I think they also wondered why I wasn’t wearing pants.

Away We Go is a romantic comedy about an unmarried couple who find out they’re pregnant and try to find the ideal place to raise their child. This makes the film ultimately one long road trip which is a plot device that many films before it have utilized with mixed results. And given the director’s previous, much darker films I would not have been surprised if the movie ended in the seemingly happy couple breaking up in the car right before it plunges off a cliff landing on an orphanage. Happily, that is not the case. While I’ve been a fan of Mendes’ previous work, it’s nice to see him succeed in a different, more upbeat genre.

Away We Go is a romantic comedy at heart but it seems to want to be taken more seriously than a typical relationship comedy. There are very few laugh-out-loud situations and the honestly the movie plays more like a character-driven drama with a few funny moments thrown into the mix. Once Burt and Verona (Krasinski and the always solid Maya Rudolph) discover that, with the departure of Burt’s parents to Europe, there is nothing keeping them in their current location they are free to live wherever they want. This allows them to jump from location to location and interactions with a variety of couples and characters each with their own problems and outlooks on parenting/life. It is here that Mendes gets great performances in small parts from Catherine O’Hara (a veteran who thrives in these small roles a la Christopher Guest), Jeff Daniels, Paul Schneider (Parks and Recreation), Allison Janey (Juno), and Jim Gaffigan (hotttt pockettt).

The most entertaining couple comes from Maggie Gyllenhaal as the ultra hippie/liberal college professor. She raises two children with her unapologetically unemployed husband high on their pedestal from the rest of ignorant society. Gyllenhaal perfectly nails the arrogance and holier-than-thou attitude that makes us despise her for pitying the rest of the world and their misinformed ways. Krasinki’s slow-burn reaction to her condescending behavior and his eventual blow-up is by far the most entertaining scene in the movie.

Some might argue that Burt and Verona are actually just as condescending and judgmental as Gyllenhaal’s character as they continually find fault with most of the couples they meet. The difference is that Burt and Verona also seem to be very aware of their own flaws and shortcomings. Their ultimate goal is really the happiness of their child and trying to avoid raising her in an environment that will hurt her chances at life.

Even with a great director, solid supporting roles and a perfectly fitting soundtrack from Alexi Murdoch the film would still fail if the two leads cannot make us invest in their characters. First off, as a fan of The Office it is refreshing to see Krasinski take a role that is seemingly outside of his acting box but certainly not outside of his range. After watching License to Wed I was afraid that he would continually take roles that were identical to his television character Jim Halpert. There are certainly shades of that Jim Halpert charm in Burt but Krasinski plays him as quirky, caring and a little vulnerable. I look forward to seeing what projects he selects in the future and hope that he becomes a Hollywood mainstay after his television show finishes its run (hopefully) soon.

I believe Maya Rudolph to be a very talented actress who takes good roles but never seems to find mainstream success. She played great parts in the criminally under-marketed Idiocracy and had an entire storyline cut out of Anchorman. Verona was a hard role to play and it took a while for me to like her. She refuses to marry Burt because, to put it in the simplest terms, her deceased parents cannot be there to watch. There are many people who share her circumstances that still get married so I was a little put off at what she thought made her situation any different. I believed that morally and religiously she had an obligation to get married and she could have done it for Burt’s sake since he had such a strong desire to marry her. As the movie progressed though, I began to see the different ways that someone can pledge his or her devotion and life to the respective partner. As opposed to judging them based on my own beliefs, I should accept that this situation is what works best for people like Burt and Verona. By the end of the movie, I was very attached to Rudolph’s character. Her monologue near the end of the movie along with her interactions with her sister show just how much talent she has apart from being a strictly comedic actress.

I like movies that do not feel the need to hold my hand and trust that I am intelligent enough to figure things out for myself. The film hints at infidelity and past relationships but never brings them up as more an undercurrent to the actual storyline. This makes the story more believable and the intimate moments even more romantic. The trampoline scene near the end of the film is the best example I have of this.

The film is up its own ass a little in that Mendes is very aware that he's making an indie flick. He tries a little too hard to be quirky at times but this is something I can easily overlook and at no point does it become grating like other art-house movies (I’m looking at you The Proposition). Overall, it’s a solid movie to watch alone or with a significant other. If you choose the latter option, you just may want to fast forward past the first three minutes.

Out of a total of 5, I would buy this movie 3 and a half beers and then listen to its philosophies on life and relationships. I may even act really interested.

Review: District 9 (Bigotry Toward Alien Seafood)

When I was 6 years old my 12 year old sister used to read out loud one chapter every night from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I loved this book and would often beg my mom to rent the low budget 1980s BBC movie adaptation. And by low budget, I mean the beavers were taller than the children because they were just adults in giant cardboard toilet paper rolls with fake buck teeth. At least I think they were fake but it was made in Britain so it’s a toss-up. At some point it was explained to me that the story was a Christian allegory. I remember thinking “That’s great but I really just like it because the lion can talk so can I go back to my baggie full of Cheerios now?”

In late high school, The Matrix came out and in my opinion it was one of the most ground-breaking action films to date. However, one of my friends (a real friend since my imaginary ones usually were too cool to hang out with me) tried to explain to me that the movie was an allegory about religion. I remember thinking, “That’s great but I just like it because of the action scenes and the gnarly special effects so can I go back to thinking of excuses why my fake girlfriend from Nebraska can’t make it to senior prom?” This scenario is not restricted to movies either. To the gentleman in the karaoke bar, my 23 year old self would like to thank you not only for choosing to drunkenly warble “Brick” by Ben Folds Five but for taking the time to explain to us that the song is about abortion. “That’s great and I knew that but I just like it because of the piano playing and Ben’s dreamy voice so can I go back to my beer and debating with my friend on whether Goldeneye or Halo is the definitive multiplayer video game now?”

My point is this: No matter what hidden or secondary meaning a body of work may have, it still needs to be entertaining and able to stand on its own based solely on its surface content. It is with this in mind that I give my two cents on District 9, the Neil Blomkamp directed film that centers on stranded alien refugees living in a segregated Johannesburg, South Africa. I had heard mostly positive word of mouth so my expectations were already a bit high. This film surpassed even those expectations starting with the acting of relative unknown Sharlto Copley. Copley plays a government agent, Wikus Van De Merwe, whose sole responsibility is to control and now relocate the alien refugees by any means necessary. His character does not crave violence but is still relatively ambivalent to the conditions or feelings of these aliens or rather “prawns” as humans derogatorily refer to them. Wikus is exposed to some alien biotechnology which causes the story, as well as Wikus’ view of prawns, to shift drastically. There’s little I can say following this that won’t give too much away but the last hour is some of the best realistic sci-fi action I’ve seen and the door is certainly left open for a sequel.

I was aware that the film was an allegory for the apartheid and conditions that exist in South Africa. I don’t see movies like District 9 for an educational lesson though. I feel educated on this subject but I know that I do not possess one iota of what it’s like to live in some of the conditions that exist in Africa. And to think that watching an action movie will change that is at best naïve and at worst arrogant. Running the Sahara, The Last King of Scotland, God Grew Tired of Us, and Hotel Rwanda are all exceptional movies depicting some of the brutal conditions of Africa. Most of these movies do not appeal to the masses though and what District 9 attempts to do is present this same message to a different demographic and in an unconventional manner. Blomkamp succeeds in and should be applauded for showcasing the effects of apartheid as well as the provoking the question of what really happened in South Africa’s real life District 6. However, the metaphors and the allegory aspect of the story barely crossed my mind while watching the film.

What stood out particularly was how much Blomkamp and his editing team kept the action moving and the story progressing while not sacrificing too much character development. As Wikus begins to change and becomes more and more bewildered with what is happening to him, the scenes become shorter thus keeping us in the same state of mind as the panicked Wikus as he moves from location to location in the city before finally landing in District 9 for the last hour or so of the film. The rest of the actors do a fine job as basically fulfilling the story stereotypes: evil father-in-law/boss, supportive wife struggling to make sense of what is happening to her husband, and brutalistic military villain.

That said, this is a fine arrival for Copley in a role that could have just been woodenly acted while allowing the special effects to do most of the work. He walks the fine line between panicked confusion as to what’s happening to him and but never falls into the trap of chewing the scenery mourning for the way his life used to be. At no point does he ever oversell it and his legitimate panic and eventual anger lend credibility to what could otherwise be a ridiculous scenario. He and Blomkamp keep the action almost scarily realistic from the graphic violence (much more than I thought there would be) to the haunting shots of the mother ship hovering over Johannesburg.

I walked away saying it was an action movie with a relatable and likable central character to whom I was genuinely attached by the end of the film. For summer fare, movies like this should become the standard as opposed to the rule (I’m looking at you G.I. Joe). Some will walk away from District 9 discussing the apartheid allegory and it is absolutely their right to do so. “That’s great but can I get back to dictating movie reviews to my imaginary secretary now?”
By the way, this entire review was an allegory to the 1998 Bulls championship team. Aaaand debate!

Rating: Out of a maximum of 5, I would buy District 9 four beers in a bar.